The First 7 Pages of No Greater Joy Volume 1

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A Whole Way of Life

The number of homeschoolers is rapidly increasing. Homeschooling is not just an alternative educational procedure; it is one of many expressions of a whole way of life. It is the result of loving parents putting on the brakes and saying “NO” to this stampeding system of child-trampling New Agers. Public education, a system inherently faulty, has now been shanghaied by the twisted minds of the morally ill.

Homeschooling families are determined not to be devoured and digested, becoming part of the feces of this carnivorous monster called public education.

As homeschooling parents, you have taken charge of your life with intentions of giving God his rightful place in training your children. To teach biology in an environment that denies the Author of life is like eating an egg while denying the chicken. Such a process is stupefying— degrading to the intellect. To teach history apart from God is to praise the sculpture and deny the sculptor. To learn science and mathematics apart from the omnipotent God is to throw out the computer and do your computations with a roulette wheel. To teach children to read and then outlaw the reading of the only book written by the God called The Word is like giving a blind man sight and then outlawing seeing.

The public school expelled God from the classroom, but when their immorality became a threat to personal satisfaction as well as personal safety, they started talking about values. They will not get their values back any more than a man will get fruit from a tree he has severed from its roots.

We are not rebels. Quite the opposite. We are just a minority who refuse to join a rebellion against God and the truth. We are taking our children to the tree of life growing beside the fountain of knowledge, to be refreshed by the Author of life. We will not stoop for anything less. We will not compromise. We will not allow state testing to dictate our curriculum. They have made their position on God and morality clear. We are making our position clear. We will not attend their party, dance to their tune or employ their fiddler.

Twinkie Twerp

My wife was standing in a yard talking to the young mother of a seven-year-old boy and two girls. The girls are fairly obedient and even-tempered, but the boy is the kind that keeps my books circulating. He came from the house with a Hostess Twinkie, demanding to eat it.

His mother said, “No, there is not enough for the other children” (neighbor children with whom he was playing). He looked shocked and offended, then anger curled his lips and hardened his brow. He began to protest and beg, frantically tearing at the wrapping. It appeared he would defiantly rip it open. His mother commenced a foot shuffling, grabbing competition for the Twinkie. For a while it was up in the air as to who would win. She finally out-grabbed him, but she didn’t win—neither did the boy. His was the greater loss, a loss of character.

Since he knew that the difference in their size would eventually make it necessary for him to forfeit his spoils, he surrendered the Twinkie, but only as a bargaining chip. Mother was standing there holding the deformed Twinkie, looking exhausted, when he demanded, “Then, let me have a graham cracker.” Seeing a way out, she paid the little extortionist his graham cracker and resumed her adult conversation. It was all in a day’s stress at the old home place.

He never actually expected to overpower his mother (though he will someday). He just wanted to express his anger at being denied personal indulgence. Furthermore, from past experiences he knew how to manipulate her into compliance. After all, he did intimidate his mother into giving him a graham cracker. This mother had reinforced his ugly pattern of behavior. As we have said, “All children are trained—some positively, some negatively.” She was training him to repeat this negative behavior.

Let’s look at this experience a little closer. She could have handled the situation by flying into a rage and spanking him for his lousy attitude and actions. He would have screamed and kicked to make her sorry for being such an “abusive, cruel mom.” She would have felt deeply defeated in spirit and, I hope, saddened by the condition of his soul. If she increased the spankings or their severity, he would be more cautious, but still angry and manipulative. Is this your situation? Have you “tried everything” and concluded that you just have a “strong-willed” child? Not so. You have neglected to properly train.

Keep in mind that the Twinkie consumer’s responses are a result of undisciplined desires for “things good for food.” He is living for self-gratification and is angered when anything or anyone gets in his way. The issue is far bigger than doling out sweets. Our first concern is character development. The child may not be developed morally to the point of possessing the capacity to make value judgments, denying his flesh, but he can be conditioned to exercise self-restraint. If you do not condition him to get control of his passions now, when he is young, he will be out of control long before he knows that he should exercise self-discipline. Her giving in has trained him to repeat this and other similar undesirable actions.

I will suggest a possible way to deal with the Twinkie ripper. When he begins to tear at the wrapper and protest, instead of accepting the challenge and becoming the other half of the competition, pause and solemnly observe him. Think of yourself as a judge reviewing the evidence. If he intended to open the package, he would have done so. If he doesn’t actually intend to forcibly open it, and if no one is sparring with him, his little performance would soon become a lonesome embarrassment. Wait until he manifests himself. When he gets it open or gives up trying, take any course of action that not only denies him immediate gratification, but denies future gratification as well. Make his actions counterproductive by responding in a way that denies him much more than he hoped to gain (rule # 1 in child training). When he gets the Twinkie out of the wrapper, calmly tell him to give it to his friends. The shock of your cold and solemn rock hardness will probably cause him to obey. Then, tell him that he will be denied sweets for one week. Reinforce it with a spanking. Stand by your pronouncement. Let him suffer deprivation while the other family members indulge. After two or three such times, he will see the law of cause and effect in action. Apply the principle of action and reaction. When his actions are inappropriate, it causes a negative reaction on your part—he gets the opposite of what he wanted. He will soon make adjustments, using your law to his own benefit. If you are as consistent as the “law of the Medes and the Persians,” he will adjust his actions to make it easy on himself.

What if he should continue to scream and protest when you give the Twinkie to the other children? Lead him to the place where the “magic wand” is kept and give him respect for the “Powers that be.”

What if he should continue to steal sweets and make demands? Simply tell him that his actions have led you to see that his addiction must be broken, so you will not buy anything sweet for one month—and stick to it. The worst thing you could do is to make an exception or to give over after a week or two.

Moral development

You may ask, “If he is still motivated by selfishness, how is the conditioning going to be morally beneficial?” Though he may still be acting out of self-interest, you are causing him to exercise his own will to deny his passion. This will equip him for exercising self-discipline when his moral faculties are fully developed. The rod and your manipulation of his responses can’t force a change in the child’s heart. However, it can completely check the “evil” manifestations of his heart and serve him with a very teachable and disciplined body that is, regardless of the reason, exercising self-restraint.

The rod, when ministered with dignity and for the child’s good, is an indispensable part of training. But it cannot take the place of training. You must not continue to scream at or beat on your child in response to his repeated twinkieholism. Arrange the circumstances so that, if nothing else, his own selfishness will motivate him to acceptable behavior; and then use rod as a part of that reinforcement and training

Why, but Why?

Question: “My child is always asking ‘Why?’ What should I do?”

When a child is told to do something he doesn't want to do, he will often ask, “Why?” In most cases this question is not prompted by a spirit of cooperative inquiry, but by a spirit of rebellion. The question is thrown at the parent as a challenge to his or her authority, wisdom, and motive. The child's question is actually a statement of defiance. Wise parents will know that the character of the child is better served if the question is left unanswered. The child should be led to trust the wisdom and good intentions of his parents. The issue is not a deficit of information, but a deficit of submission. The child who is perfectly compliant in spirit doesn't need explanations, though in some cases children may delight in knowing why because they enjoy the camaraderie of decision making. You must discern the difference between rebellion and sincere inquiry.

QUESTION: “My two-year-old will not stay in bed when I put him down. It seems like I am whipping him too much. No matter how many times I whip him he still gets up.” Another parent comments: “My little girl will not stay out of the refrigerator. Every time I turn my back, she is opening the door. I spank her, but it seems to do no good.”

ANSWER: There are hundreds of issues similar to these, but the principle is the same. The child is exerting his will for the purpose of self-gratification. On one side is your displeasure and threat of discipline; on the other side is the child’s consuming passion to be gratified in his “lusts.” In his disobedience, he is stating that he would rather live with your displeasure and the possibility of a spanking than to be deprived of carnal satisfaction.

It is sometimes true that mothers’ spankings are not at all painful. If your spankings are too light to gain his respect, an increase in the intensity might be more persuasive. If the child deemed the pain to be worse than the gratification, he would grudgingly stop. However, our goal is much deeper than just keeping the door shut on the refrigerator. We want to train our children to control their passions. We can “outgun” them, but the power play is limited by the child’s inability to remember and make associations. That is, when the child is possessed of the strength of passion (getting out of bed, opening the refrigerator, etc.), he cannot reason and remember the severe consequences. He is acting on immediate impulse—just like an undisciplined adult dominated by his lust. Think of an alcoholic, a drug addict, or a gluttonous person. I have observed diabetics go to a church dinner and gorge themselves on sweets, oblivious to their spouses standing behind them, warning of the consequences. The diabetic is able to rationalize because there have been those rare occasions when he has indulged without dire consequences. If he can get away with the sweets one time out of ten, then he will eat, hoping that this will be the rare exception. It is not mart, but it is human. I say human derogatorily.

Where you have been inconsistent with your child—that is, you occasionally allow him to triumph in the pursuit of his rebellion— he will focus his lust on that one time when it paid off, and will barge ahead, hoping that this will be another permissive exception. If, once every two weeks, his getting out of bed is rewarded by being allowed to join the adults in that cozy time of late evening, he will keep facing the switch until he is again rewarded or until his memory of the fruitfulness of such an act grows dull. When it is NEVER A PLEASURABLE EXPERIENCE to get out of bed, his own self-love will cause him to stay in bed.

By your consistency, you will eventually condition the child to always submit to authority. If there is even one area where a child is consistently rebellious, you have a child totally self-willed at heart. If he is allowed to choose the areas of obedience, he is, in fact, never submitted to any authority but his own.

Rather than harder spankings, I would suggest that you determine to be absolutely consistent. Make sure that he is sleepy, and then put him to bed with a Bible story, a little hugging, and a prayer. Be sure he knows he is to stay in bed. Then do for him as you would want done for you—keep the house quiet so he can sleep. Meanwhile, be very attentive. If he gets up, when his feet hit the floor, spring into the room with your little switch and pop him on the bare leg one or two times. No anger on your part—no raised voices. Just make it more pleasant to stay in bed. Never allow him to get his way. One week of consistency on your part will convince him that this business is under new management.

Be creative. The child who is opening the refrigerator obviously wants something to eat. If you never, never, I SAY NEVER allow it to be a rewarding experience, he will stop. If he gets less to eat rather than more, he will deem it beneficial to his appetite to ignore the refrigerator. For example, if the child is getting into the cheese, tell him that he can’t have cheese, even at meal times. And then stand by your word. When the other children eat cheese, he can eat dry bread for a week. He is not stupid. His appetite will keep the door closed. You must be absolutely consistent if he is to be consistent. There is no place for reprieve in this training. Don’t try to whip your inconsistencies out of your children. Train them right and they will always obey.

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Customer Feedback view all

Hi Joy,
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Chris