Now or Later?

by Dewayne Noel

March 2008

A two-year-old child is nothing more than a twenty-year-old adult in training. Where is the point in a child’s life that he ceases to be a child and is instantly an adult? There is no such point for most people. I understand that some folks are forced to grow up very fast due to a tragedy or particular traumatic circumstance, but that is not the normal case. I know people who are over forty years old that can drive, vote and procreate but they would not be considered a mature adult if judged by their behavior. They are not responsible, wise or profitable to society in very many ways. Maturity is a process that takes place over time, and most of the characteristics of adulthood that we would recognize and require from both ourselves and our acquaintances have to be learned and instilled.

The question then is: At what point do we start teaching these characteristics of the mature adult to our children? I believe that when a child is old enough to understand that they are being corrected and to understand what that correction is then it is time to begin. Now, let me hasten to insert here that I am in no way saying that we should deprive children of the joy of childhood. The laughter, imagination and wonder of a child is a gift from God and as parents many of us too often miss out on the opportunity to join with them in their fun and innocence. If we were to join with them a little more in their innocence then we could occasionally get a little taste of what we left behind so many years ago before mortgages, elections and terrorism filled up so much of our daily reality. The weight of living life will begin soon enough for them. Do not make it drab now. I am not speaking of this. I am speaking of molding a personality.

In a nutshell, any attitude in any daughter or son of mine that would be a shame to both themselves and to their parents when that child is twenty-six is just as unacceptable when they are six. Do you know of a young person in college, or perhaps who is newly married, who is petulant and moody when he/she is told “no”? Can you think of anyone old enough to vote that cannot deny himself/herself anything his/her wants, be it food, drink, clothing, electronic toys or entertainment? Do you know a person with children of their own who is waspy, sharp-tongued or catty with others? It is most often nothing more than childish behavior that he/she never matured out of, for the parent felt that overlooking certain attitudes was appropriate in a child because he/she was just a child. However, when he/she is no longer a child, the attitude was too ingrained and could not be removed then.

When I look at my youngest son, I do not see a Christian who should be living his life for his God, but a six-year-old little human being whose character is being formed daily. If I do not help him be a man of good, of strong character first, then I cannot expect him to be a man of God with good, of strong character later when he is old enough to understand the gospel and turn to Christ for himself. There is no magic point at which he instantly becomes a man and is now ready to learn acceptable adult character.

If your young child has a personality trait or an attitude that would horrify you if he were a grown adult, that attitude should be just as unacceptable to you while he is yet a grinning, tow-headed three-year-old full of mischief and questions. If your son kicks you and yells “I hate you” while only three, it is just as abhorrent and dangerous as it would be if he were seventeen. The anger, self-will, mean spirit, rebellion and physical violence are the same. The little body is just not yet big enough to do anything about it. If you are in public and your 15-year-old daughter were to yell “NO!” at you and storm off when she had been given a directive you would be horrified and embarrassed, looking for the floor to swallow you up. Yet so many mothers and fathers just get a wearied, harassed look of consternation when treated like this by a preschooler, and then they follow the child out to gently reason with them and express their sorrow at the “unkindness” that they, the parents, had been shown.

You are not doing the child any favors. We live in an entire universe of order and authority, and if a human being is not soon taught by their parents that all of God’s creation does not exist to serve and appease him then he will have to learn this the hard way by much harsher teachers. The laws of nature, the laws of God, the judicial system, the military and the boss down at the office do NOT exist to serve me at my whim. They have set their boundaries long before I ever arrived on the scene. They expect me to move within those boundaries like all of humanity before me, and will make my life miserable if I do not.

There is a BIG picture of man and his place in history, in life and in society, and we must teach our children the lessons and rules of life with others and all of its realities. We must do this while they are young and easily molded, for it is a terrible disservice to them to put the hard work off for years because we don’t want to be the bad guy. To begin all of a sudden to try to change them when they are already half-grown and beginning to take a set in their permanent, emerging character is a little like exposing them to chickenpox on their honeymoon. It would have been a whole lot easier to go through it and get it over with while still a toddler.

When God gave you a child, he gave you a clean slate. Begin drawing a pretty picture right off. It is much too hard to erase it and start over later.

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